Friday, April 10, 2026

baby cody


My first born, girl child was born in the religious cult, Mormonism. Cornelia de Lange syndrome (CdLS) is a rare genetic neurodevelopmental disorder present from birth, characterized by slow growth, intellectual disability, and distinctive facial features like thin, arched eyebrows that often meet in the middle. Caused by mutations in specific genes.

She lived 2 1/2 years. The husband never held her, abandoned both of us. We were sealed in the temple for time and eternity.

It costs huge, the medical bills. No one knows what to say, it's was not a joyous bundle of joy. My parents were no support. She couldn't suck a bottle, I had to learn how to tube feed. I wish she died, the marriage would crumble, oh God, let it fall. After born, he told everyone he had a dream she would die to look good. He lied about his dream. After she died, I had 6 more kids, everyone was healthy. The arrogant priesthood holder, I just found out he was a spiritual narcissistic abuser who thinks he is god.

As a first time Mother, it tore my spirit to darkness in a lonely hell. Humbled to nothingness. If I had any self-righteous in my body mind spirit it was destroyed. I was a useless Mother In Zion that failed.

Mormonism didn't believe in abortion at that time. I would aborted if I knew. They did not have ultra-sound at that time.

The doctors kept her alive to study us like lab-rats. What is wrong with theses people? She was in ICU for 6 weeks to stay alive. It was never stable. 7 months of her life, she was in the hospital 4 months. CPS decided to place her in a foster hime. I was on over load for fear shame guilt. Zoe Zane

Saturday, March 28, 2026

Fuck It "Seminary Teacher Wife"


A Mormon Temple marriages never ends after a civil divorce.  After death, the priesthood owns their wives in Celestial Kingdom.  This cult is only for men.   I didn't change my name back to birth name.  My married name is theatrical, I keep it to stabilize the kids.  Today, that name is still in place.  I will change it soon.  All of us are born on a "specific second" with birth name.  It's important, it's sacred.  For a long time, I despised my birth name.  I was not a person, I was not myself, I was not a girl.  I've worked deep to love myself, to honor myself, to cherish myself.  I'm important, I have "space" on this planet.  I count.

1985 divorced, that day almost lost my way, ran like hell to the court room.  No family, no friends.  I had to save myself, the kids at all costs.  My ex's Mother raged, how could you do this to my son, a man of god?  A custody battle ensued to prove I was a unfit Mother, crazy insane.  The kids were asked who they wanted live with etc.  I told the court evaluator, he raped me.  He asked the question, "Were you experimenting with sex?  I said, "NO!".  I didn't think he believed me.  One more "NO" on the page for no help.  

The ex moved out to a tiny hole in the wall next by SLC, Utah Temple.  He informed me he would only take one kid every other week, when it was good for his victim life.  I destroyed his goal to be an apostle of the church.  More hardship was coming, I braced myself.  I was awarded the kids, it would of destroyed me if I lost.  You hang on by a thin thread, I would never leave the kids.  I could of, but didn't.  I had to save my kids from demons.  

His abandon announcement, all the kids and I were yelling loud in shock.  He didn't care about any of us.  I heard the kids over and over again, ALL of them, fuck you, fuck off, fuck it.  I was surprised how we were cursing him in our crying pain.  




Angel Metatron

https://www.learnreligions.com/how-to-recognize-archangel-metatron-124277